Planet F-377 U/497


I am going to share a secret with you, almost at the risk of sounding insane. So, I have this friend called X, who is actually an Alien. Hear me out first. X comes from Planet F-377 U/497, from a galaxy far far away, trillions of light years from us.

From whatever X told me about the planet, I was really fascinated. Every home owns a drone, a supercomputer. They don’t grow food it seems. They just look at the Sun and Bam! Photosynthesis! No food so no agriculture, no classes, no Capitalism or Communism, race, ethnicity or religion.

X tells me they had to house hunt there because of some shit called global warming on their original planet (but who cares!). So then they figured out a way to solve the time-space puzzle, travel through ether, imaginary tubes and tame some dark matter and all. Suffice it to say, they are to humans what humans are to homo-sapiens.  Planet F-377 U/497 is a technological marvel!

But I am not really in awe with the technological feats. Humans have Elon Musk and Dr. Sheldon Cooper working on that kind of stuff, so I told X not to be so 'cocky'. What I was attracted to is the classless society. X also tells me there is no caste and they claim to have Equality in society. There is also a Political system, which X prefers not to divulge.

So far so good! But like all good things Planet F-377 U/497 too has an Achilles heel. X tells me they somehow have not overcome the "Gender" issue. Let me tell you it’s a completely different place than ours. They have different ideas and I want you to read carefully. They have only two broad Genders, Seamen (they represent human male physically, fuck spellcheck!) and Other Genders, OG.

Seamen, I believe, is the most sought after gender. They are respected on the basis of their (HD) Hard-Discs (Damn this spellcheck!). X says they believe larger the HD, better the seamen, smaller ones are not valued much it seems. People on their planet believe HD is an asset of a seamen (Who does such objection?!)

On the other hand, OG's are the privileged gender there. Most of the intellectuals are OG's, they are also politically dominant, physically strong. When X told me more about OG's I understood the grim reality of their planet.

Seamens are only allowed to wear a particular type of armor (No, they don’t have clothes). Whenever an OG's sees a seamen dressed differently, say having a cut around their shoulders or around the waist, OG's think it is provocative. OG's don’t even hesitate to use their X-ray eyes to look through their armors or even touch them. Older OG's think such dressing is an invitation to forcible coitus (google it!)


What's disturbing is the language OG's use for seamen. If a seamen dresses well for feel good factor, OG's talk about their HD. Typical remarks OG'S pass are really disgusting, like:
"I can watch that HD all day"
"I bet I can fill that HD"
"If the HD of this seamen is sooo good, imagine other seamens in the family?''

They even bet about the size of HD's on seeing a seamen. It is very simple, when they see a seamen all they see is their HD, nothing exists beyond that. The situation is grim, hopeless, beyond repair it seems. Just try and empathize how those seamen must be feeling!

X tells me all that seamens are pleading is not to reduce them to their immediate identity, that of being a seamen! When I told X about the gender injustice on Planet Earth, Milky Way Galaxy, X came up with an uncanny solution. X told me to transfer all the men from earth to Planet F-377 U/497. That is when there will be a balance, men from Earth will realize how it feels to be objectified, reduced to bodily parts, exploited, discriminated against, X -rayed day in and day out and off course forced into coitus.

Does X make sense???


(Attempt has been made to expose the perpetrators (we all know who they are) and not to disrespect the victims in any way) 

(Nerd-वाणी is a new column on my blog. All write-ups in this column are written by a good friend of mine, Mr. Saket Kakade. Enjoy and Cheers)



Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Rational unemotional !?!

(This is a story of a close friend. I have written it in first person to give it a feel) I met this hot mallu girl during my interview. She was perfect. Elegant, graceful. We just had a glimpse of each other and moved away. I was with a female friend, who also thought she was smoking hot. She insisted I talk to the girl and as usual I was uncomfortable to initiate the conversation. But as it turned out, it was my lucky day! The girl walked up to me and asked for a lighter. I was overjoyed, for two reasons. First, she came up to talk. Second, she was a smoker too! May be it’s just me but I really find girls who smoke attractive. Fuck the Norms! But this is not about me. Or the girl. It’s about the conversation we had . She was a psychology student. And having read Freud a little, I had a chance to brag. We spoke about diverse things…from Nair community in Kerala to Artificial intelligence. Basically I said AI is foolish because we are giving our USP i.e thinking, to someone else....
Read more

When numbers lie!

4-1 read the score line! India lost a test series in England, Again! It hurt even more because it was thought of India's best chance to win, with an enviable pace battery and star studded batting line up. 4-1 really does look bad on paper. And as in life ( so in Cricket) we are obsessed with results. That’s why we are missing something so significant here. This was not just any test series, 'it was a celebration of red ball cricket' to quote Harsha. These test matches actually resembled a boxing ring. Blows were exchanged, one by one. Both Teams fell down, got up and gave it back hard to the opponent! Bruised? Yes!! Finished? Never! For me the series was in fact a 'celebration of life'. It has given me clarity, busted a lot of myths and took me back to basics. First and foremost, life is unpredictable. Let's face it. Even if you put in all your efforts, you might still end up 4-1 down. Luck does exist. Otherwise what else explains Kohli losing the...
Read more

(Dys) Functions of Social Media!

Make no mistake I am not a Luddite, who would argue not using social media and going back to pen and paper. However, the immense attraction of social media on the one hand and its abuse, misuse on the other, is a cause of concern. In TISS, a day long abstinence from social media was tried. The participants felt "detoxified". Let us try to understand this toxicity which is a part of our everyday life. It is beyond doubt that social media has helped to connect people in ways unthinkable. My contention is that it has outlived its purpose and now it is a site of toxicity. We see fake news, spams, so called viral videos, porn freely circulated on social media. In WhatsApp, we see "All Boys'" group, an avenue of hyper-masculinity, objectifying, degrading women. We witness trolls against celebrities. We see blatant rape threats to women expressing their opinion. The whole atmosphere is marred by toxicity, hatred, negativity. The worst part is we are 24*7 a part ...
Read more